The following was emailed to me by a friend:

Divorce Agreement

American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al: We have stuck together since the late 1950’s, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce.  I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let’s just end it on friendly terms.  We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion.  That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement.  After that, it should be relatively easy!  Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don’t like redistributive taxes so you can keep them.  You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.  Since you hate guns and war, we’ll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.

You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O’Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).

We’ll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street.  You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens.  We’ll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO’s and rednecks.  We’ll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we’ll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters.  When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we’ll help provide them security.

We’ll keep our Judeo-Christian values.  You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain.  You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.

We’ll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars.  You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone health care if you can find any practicing doctors.  We’ll continue to believe health care is a luxury and not a right.  We’ll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem.  I’m sure you’ll be happy to substitute Imagine, I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Baia or We Are the World.

We’ll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot.  Since it often so offends you, we’ll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this?  If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete.  In the spirit of friendly parting, I’ll bet you which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P.S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheen, Barbara Streisand and Jane Fonda with you.

P. S. S.  And we won’t have to press 1 for English. 

3 Responses to “DIVORCE AGREEMENT”

  1. GOOD FRIEND. Good divorce. Good idea!

    My adds:

    “You keep with your masters from BILDEBERG CLUB — the motherfuckers Globalists who wants buy the mankind and sell our souls to Satan. Take that billionaire, megalomaniac rats as Council of Foreign Relations, Triple Comission, American Dialogue, European Union and the rest of the SCUM. We have Jesus and our Founding Fathers. It’s enough.”

    “You keep with Main Stream Media, lapdog for Obamanation — we will stand our efforts on free internet — and NO control from UNO or ‘Democrats’ filthy claws.”

    “You keep with CRIME, LIES, HATE, COMMUNISM, ISLAMISM, MULTICULTURALISM… We remain loving America, supporting Israel and defending West Civilization — the only one in Earth.”

    “You keep with stupid rich, non-workers, hedonistic on drugs: artists, rock stars, punks, actors, directors, screenplayers, ‘singers’, rappers, intellectuals, comic book writers and other America-haters as Alex Ross, Allan Moore, Frank Miller and the Federal Artist Guild (F.A.G.) leadered by George Clooney. We are fans of Team America, Jack Bauer, King Leonidas, The Punisher, Rorschach, Stallone, John Wayne, Bruce Willis, proletarians, shepherds, Norman Rockwell.”

    “You keep with Rights for Criminals, Psicho, Terrorists, Fags, Pedophilia, Zoophilia and Feminists who SHUT UP TO ISLAM their hipocritical mouths. We insist living in an NORMAL, straight right way of life.”

    “Don’t you like? Well, you can go your own way in any direction: North, East, West and South : FUCK OFF and leave for Canadistan, Eurabia, China or Mexico.”

  2. Ernesto Ribeiro says:


    that’s funny: the tag “Divorce Agreement” has been tracked by PLawyers Offices looking for this issue : Divorces.

    Damn it! This guys don’t even READ this article, in order to get the memo and see this whole issue is about POLITICS.

  3. Ernesto Ribeiro says:

    Lawyers Offices should work better about their MARKETING

    I am a Market professional and always get an open eye on that.