Former president Richard Nixon was visiting an Indian reservation, and gave a long speech. At every pause, the Native Americans would shout “Oompah, oompah”, which encouraged Nixon to continue his orations.

After his speech was over, the Chief took him over to see the tribes horses, and as they were about to step inside the corral, the Chief reminded Nixon to be careful not to step in the oompah.

Kwanzaa, Dec. 26 to Jan. 1, is the only totally racist holiday in the known Universe, created by a black racist in 1966 for the sole purpose of having a black racist holiday. All black racists who want to can dress up in fancy robes that outshine the Popes for glitter and pizzazz, and perform lots of silly and utterly meaningless rituals, again much like the Popes. Kwanzaa is for Blacks Only to act as if they have their own special I Am Black Day. Kwanzaa is therefor utter and total oompah.

Oh. Besides the copies of Papal robes, their “sacred candle holder” holds 7 candles and looks exactly like the Jewish one. Kwanzaa. A little bit from here, a piece from there, toss in some Pagan scraps and Presto: One brand new racist holiday. Give them another 300 years and they might have a few actual traditions. Oompah!

Likewise is the Religious Right demand for an end to abortion. The hypocrisy here is that most of those people are big-time FOR the American Constitution, which specifies separation of Church and State, and if these zealots ever stopped to think for a couple minutes, it might occur to them that abortion is a personal choice.

To abort or not to abort is the question that arises out of personal religious conviction. Where it goes wrong is when those against it try to force their beliefs down the throats of those in favor of it. They do this by claiming that aborting an unborn foetus is murder and therefor should be against the law.

Murder, in fact, is 100% defined by law, not by religion, so these Constitution-loving religionists want to make it murder by law in accordance with their religion. Does anyone see a flaw in that thinking?

When a religion gets so out of hand that it can no longer let other people be, but feels compelled to dominate their behavior under a set of rigid religious laws, we usually call that Islamism, Fascism or Naziism. So what does our Religious Right have to say about that? I’d really like to know how they manage to justify this assault on our Constitution and the Equal Rights of all Americans with their total and utter oompah.

I appreciate the strength of their personal convictions. I do not appreciate their assault on my rights and their terrorist attacks on abortion doctors, any more than I appreciate the Islamic terrorists attacks.

In this regard, I see zero difference between the so-called “Right To Lifers” and the Islamic terrorists. They’re both full to their eyebrows with oompah.

Interesting bits of news this morning coming from Florida, where I once resided for a few years but had to leave. Between all the bugs that bite constantly and the heat, it’s no place to live. I can’t even imagine going on a camping trip there.

Seems a “young couple” have been arrested for trying to burn the girl’s mother to death by soaking her bedroom floor with gasoline while she slept, and lighting it. This isn’t the first time anyone has pulled this trick but the “young couple’s” ages are 11 for her and 15 for him. Will someone tell me what in Hell an 11 year old girl is doing with a boyfriend? As in “couple”?

A 37 year old guy wanted a ride to a bar so he called 911 and told a bizarre story about being beaten and shot at to get a cop to come get him. When the cop refused to give him a ride to the bar, he attacked the cop and now sits in jail.

A 38 year old guy named Chad Weiner is in jail, accused of tying up and sexually assaulting a 91 year old woman. What a weiner! I mean, no offense to the terminally aged but NINETY ONE!

Another guy, no age given, tried finding a mate through billboard advertising “for a honey” (really) but ended up getting introduced to his new wife by his dog. His dog met her dog and the panting began, or so I suppose. I’m tempted to make some wisecracks about “doggy style” but I’ll refrain. Gad, the limits I impose on myself, it’s awful.

Everybody know what a Menorah is? No? Not everybody? Okay, it’s a candle holder for 7 candles and is the symbol of Judaism. One was on display inside a library in Boca Raton, Florida, and when the word got out, representatives of 25 different Christian sects showed up, all with creches, and all trying to get their creche put on display along with the Menorah. Now, a creche is one of those paper-mache caves with a Star of Bethlehem over it and lots of goats and sheep and camels and the three Wise Men and Joseph and Mary and baby Jesus in a cradle and lots of other stuff. They take up a lot of room compared to a candle holder.

The library said “no thanks” to the 25 creches so they were all put down outside by the Christmas tree that was also on display. Boy, there’s grist for the old ACLU mill, eh? Damn right, let’s get in a big fight over this. Spirit of Christmas your ass! Sigh.

A 15 year old boy just got out of a burn treatment center after spending months recovering from burns over 65% of his body, which were inflicted by 3 boys who poured alcohol on him and set him on fire. This apparently was because he owed one of them some money. The 3 boys are Denver Colorado Jarvis, Jesus Mendez and Matthew Bent. Prosecutors have charged them as adults. Now, what they did was crazy enough, but I have to ask, who in their right mind would EVER name a kid ” Denver Colorado”? Crazy parents have crazy kids.

Doesn’t it piss you off when you’re in a restaurant or doctors office and someones kids are running and screaming all over the place? Sure does me. I guess Ivana Trump doesn’t like it much either as she got belligerent when some kids were running and screaming in the aisles of the airplane she was on. Considering she had to have been in First Class, she had a right to be angry but she got booted off the plane when she started cussing and swearing at the kids instead of leaving it to the flight attendants to deal with it. Just proves that you can’t own everything even if you think you do and also proves that even those who fly first class don’t raise their kids any better than the trailer trash do.

Florida is the very best place I know to get pissed off at the world and stay that way, because living there is so stressful. Everybody thinks Oooh, Florida! Sunshine, beaches, semi-tropics. Nope, sorry, not so. What it is, is Oooh, frequent wind and rainstorms, more cloudy days than sunny ones, fire ants by the trillions everywhere in every lawn and back yard, hideous spiders and infectuous biting flies under every leaf and in every tree, thorny bougainvilla and other plants that seek you out and attack you, hurricanes, high crime from the most transient population in the U.S., and THE HEAT and THE HUMIDITY! In summer the temperature and humidity balance out at 90 degrees and 90% each every day and it’s unbearable. The commonest job description in Florida is Air Conditioner Installer. True fact. You live under air conditioning or you die. Imagine having to work outdoors in summer. Only the young and strong can do it.

Just to top this off, the worlds first case of contagious, aggressive and highly resistant tuberculosis has just been reported… in Florida. Planning a trip to Disney World? Hey, enjoy.