Interesting bits of news this morning coming from Florida, where I once resided for a few years but had to leave. Between all the bugs that bite constantly and the heat, it’s no place to live. I can’t even imagine going on a camping trip there.

Seems a “young couple” have been arrested for trying to burn the girl’s mother to death by soaking her bedroom floor with gasoline while she slept, and lighting it. This isn’t the first time anyone has pulled this trick but the “young couple’s” ages are 11 for her and 15 for him. Will someone tell me what in Hell an 11 year old girl is doing with a boyfriend? As in “couple”?

A 37 year old guy wanted a ride to a bar so he called 911 and told a bizarre story about being beaten and shot at to get a cop to come get him. When the cop refused to give him a ride to the bar, he attacked the cop and now sits in jail.

A 38 year old guy named Chad Weiner is in jail, accused of tying up and sexually assaulting a 91 year old woman. What a weiner! I mean, no offense to the terminally aged but NINETY ONE!

Another guy, no age given, tried finding a mate through billboard advertising “for a honey” (really) but ended up getting introduced to his new wife by his dog. His dog met her dog and the panting began, or so I suppose. I’m tempted to make some wisecracks about “doggy style” but I’ll refrain. Gad, the limits I impose on myself, it’s awful.

Everybody know what a Menorah is? No? Not everybody? Okay, it’s a candle holder for 7 candles and is the symbol of Judaism. One was on display inside a library in Boca Raton, Florida, and when the word got out, representatives of 25 different Christian sects showed up, all with creches, and all trying to get their creche put on display along with the Menorah. Now, a creche is one of those paper-mache caves with a Star of Bethlehem over it and lots of goats and sheep and camels and the three Wise Men and Joseph and Mary and baby Jesus in a cradle and lots of other stuff. They take up a lot of room compared to a candle holder.

The library said “no thanks” to the 25 creches so they were all put down outside by the Christmas tree that was also on display. Boy, there’s grist for the old ACLU mill, eh? Damn right, let’s get in a big fight over this. Spirit of Christmas your ass! Sigh.

A 15 year old boy just got out of a burn treatment center after spending months recovering from burns over 65% of his body, which were inflicted by 3 boys who poured alcohol on him and set him on fire. This apparently was because he owed one of them some money. The 3 boys are Denver Colorado Jarvis, Jesus Mendez and Matthew Bent. Prosecutors have charged them as adults. Now, what they did was crazy enough, but I have to ask, who in their right mind would EVER name a kid ” Denver Colorado”? Crazy parents have crazy kids.

Doesn’t it piss you off when you’re in a restaurant or doctors office and someones kids are running and screaming all over the place? Sure does me. I guess Ivana Trump doesn’t like it much either as she got belligerent when some kids were running and screaming in the aisles of the airplane she was on. Considering she had to have been in First Class, she had a right to be angry but she got booted off the plane when she started cussing and swearing at the kids instead of leaving it to the flight attendants to deal with it. Just proves that you can’t own everything even if you think you do and also proves that even those who fly first class don’t raise their kids any better than the trailer trash do.

Florida is the very best place I know to get pissed off at the world and stay that way, because living there is so stressful. Everybody thinks Oooh, Florida! Sunshine, beaches, semi-tropics. Nope, sorry, not so. What it is, is Oooh, frequent wind and rainstorms, more cloudy days than sunny ones, fire ants by the trillions everywhere in every lawn and back yard, hideous spiders and infectuous biting flies under every leaf and in every tree, thorny bougainvilla and other plants that seek you out and attack you, hurricanes, high crime from the most transient population in the U.S., and THE HEAT and THE HUMIDITY! In summer the temperature and humidity balance out at 90 degrees and 90% each every day and it’s unbearable. The commonest job description in Florida is Air Conditioner Installer. True fact. You live under air conditioning or you die. Imagine having to work outdoors in summer. Only the young and strong can do it.

Just to top this off, the worlds first case of contagious, aggressive and highly resistant tuberculosis has just been reported… in Florida. Planning a trip to Disney World? Hey, enjoy.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 30th, 2009 at 11:14 am and is filed under Bleats. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.