TWINKIES ARE FOREVER

Yesterday I went into the local Von’s grocery to do some Thanksgiving shopping and while there, checked out the Hostess Bakery display. There wasn’t a Twinkie in sight, as I suspected. They’d all been bought up by people expecing to make a killing selling them later after the Hostess company shut down.

Now it looks like all those Twinkie investors are going to get bad teeth, because they might as well eat the things as save them for some hoped-for profit. The good side of this is that Twinkies last nearly forever on the shelf because of all the preservatives in them.

A judge has ordered the union that was killing the Hostess Bakery to submit to arbitration, which means that, like it or not, the union has to agree to whatever terms the arbitrators decide upon, and those terms will definitely be in favor of the Hostess company. They have to be, as otherwise, Hostess shuts down and all 18,500 union workers will be unemployed. So there’s only one way this can go.

Even if Hostess does shut down, Twinkies will go on, preservatives or not, because the biggest bakery corporation in the world is looking to buy up Hostess anyway, and Twinkies will continue to be made.

Veddy veddy sad for all those Twinkie hoarders but that’s the way it goes. Enjoy eating your thousands of Twinkies, you silly speculators. This reminds me of the Great Tulip Market collapse. Back in the 1800′s, Dutch tulip varieties became an important stock market commodity, and single bulbs of new, colorful varieties were being bid up to some pretty astonishing prices. Finally the bubble burst as people realized that flower bulbs may make pretty flowers but were not worth fortunes, and people were committing suicide over their huge financial losses, pretty much the way they did after the 1929 stock market collapse.

I would advise those who did purchase thousands of Twinkies to throw them out the window first before jumping out themselves. That way they should at least have something soft to land on. Ho ho.

One Response to “TWINKIES ARE FOREVER”

  1. Of all the things that I might hoard, Twinkies would be very low on the list.

    I do find that, as I get older, I hoard plastic grocery bags. They make excellent litter-box scoopers. ;)

    I’m big on hoarding utilitarian items.

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