HO HO HO Sticky post until Christmas. Check below.
Wishing all a Very Merry Christmas. The Prosperous New Year wish comes after Christmas, you’ll just have to wait on it. 
This entry was posted
on Saturday, December 22nd, 2012 at 7:48 am and is filed under Bleats.
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
Merry Christmas, Black Sheep!
For lots of reasons, Yuletide 2012 has been a damned depressing season for me. Worst ever, I think.
It has been for me too, AOW, which is why I started taking my little capsules. Being depressed sucks, and if I can Live Better Through Chemistry, and it’s legal, you bet. I’ve had more relationships go sour, in the past 2 years, actually, along with the death of my mother…. it does get hard to take when people you love either die or are taken from you because they get hooked on drugs or just take a bad road in their lives. That’s not all of it by any means but that’s the worst of it.
BUT…. I still have good friends in this world, I’m financially set for life if I take care of what I have, my health is really very good considering I’m only 2 weeks away from 74, an old buddy of mine is coming up to have Christmas dinner with me so I won’t have to eat alone….. You know, for all the bad, there’s a lot of good. I guess it just depends on which one I choose to dwell on.
For me, when I start to dwell on the bad, I go take a pill and get back to the positive side of life. Maybe you should give that some consideration? Just a thought.
We can’t do everything by ourselves no matter how independent we think we are. Life is not fair and never was, growing old is difficult, the dangers increase along with the heartaches and it’s not easy to keep smiling, sometimes. I finally accepted this and went to see my doctor about getting a little help to get past the rough spots. Depression is a chemical imbalance the same as scurvy is and Vitamin C isn’t what I need to deal with it.
Yeh, bad year for all of us.
Hopefully my missus is all clear now but she ain’t really normal yet, still very tired a lot of the time and that’s not helped by fact that we have to to keep going up and down to look after her parents, both nearly 90. Jeez, hope I don’t live that long. Given my family’s history I probably won’t. Depression is an awful thing, been there, long time ago now, touch wood.
Ho hum, Still, 2013 is bound to be better, oh hang on, 13?
2012 was the end for a lot of my relationships and hopes… I got cheated, betrayed, robbered, left behind.
Bye Bye, damned year.
Die forever.
################################################
ho ho ho…
“…and a bottle full of gim.”
Black Sheep,
Thank you for your response. I appreciate it.
Two medical professionals have suggested that I try taking antidepressants. So far, I have resisted, but lately I’ve been rethinking my decision.
One reason that I have resisted taking any more meds: I’m already on gabapentin for my back pain and nerve damage. Gabapentin itself is part of the problem: that particular medication has almost destroyed my love of music — to the point that I don’t like to listen to music very much nor do I get a lift from playing the piano. For most of my life, playing the piano was my “cure” for depression.
Life’s a bitch. Politics and financial worries contribute to life’s being a bitch.
You’re welcome, AOW.
Very true. Life is a bitch. I learned young to count my blessings, though, and I do have a choice. If what Life is handing me is worse than living it, I can always find a way to stop living.
But I don’t give up easily and besides, I do have a last refuge when all options have failed me. If none of my efforts succeed, I turn the problem over to God or the Great Spirit or whatever it is, and the problem is always solved. This has never failed me. The only hitch is that once I turn it over, I have to let go of it, completely. If I can do that, the problem is always solved and the solution always comes in the form of an amazing coincidence. Most people don’t get more than one or two of those in a lifetime, I’ve had a hundred.
I don’t know if this would work for you or not. I’m not a Christian and my God isn’t a person, it’s sort of like The Force or the Great Spirit. It doesn’t smite whole cities or turn people into pillars of salt, or have emotions or opinions. All I know about this God is that it’s unconditional love and acceptance, and can set your path straight in life if you let it.
And that’s the most I’ve ever said about my spirituality on this blog. If that doesn’t make it for anyone, well, to each his own.
Letting go, and letting God — well, that’s always been hard for me to do. I’ve managed a few times, and, as you said, all turned out well.
I’m pretty numb spiritually since Mr. AOW’s illness, I guess. Maybe I’m living in a state of shock?
That would have had to have been an awfully big shock to last this long. Sounds to me more like you’re just overloaded and have been for too long. While you still express a strong connection to Christianity outwardly, perhaps you have less confidence now in the teachings? Even as a boy I wondered, if God loves us all so much and can do anything for us or to us, then why does he let such horrible, evil things happen? The answer was always “God ways are mysterious”. I finally decided that was just passing the buck. If God did all that stuff that the Bible says, then why did he quit?
Nope. God is either there or not there. The god of Christianity isn’t there and never has been, it was all made up for grownups the same way Santa Claus is made up for kids. There is a God but the priests of the various religions have created doctrines that pervert the reality of God into ways to have power over us, not to mention a cushy living.
Our relationship with God is a personal one. Jesus said something about that, I don’t have the quote to hand but it was about praying in private, not out in public making a display of yourself, because you’re talking with God, not trying to show your neighbors how pious you are.
The reason faith can be fragile is because it is faith and not certain knowledge. Those who hang onto faith, whatever it is, in the face of dramatically conflicting reality are the same people who believe in fairies and pixie dust. Most religious dogma and doctrine is just superstition anyway and even the most devout must know that to some degree.
It just doesn’t work, when we’re trying hard to be good Christians and really doing our best to do the right thing and live a decent life, and things just keep going to crap anyway, to keep believing that God Is On Our Side. Because God isn’t on anyone’s side and God has nothing to do with how well or poorly our lives go, but religions don’t dare teach that. If they did, no one would pay to listen to priests.
There’s a lot of good in Christian teachings but there’s a lot of hocus pocus and lies, too. I put my faith in myself and I rely on my own decisions. I don’t wait for some vaporous deity in the guise of a priest to tell me what to do. If I had scrupulously followed the teachings of Christianity I might have had a better life, or it might have become a total disaster, and there’s no way of knowing which, because teachings, no matter how well you follow them, won’t stop an illegal alien with no insurance from rear-ending your car at high speed or keep your husband from having a stroke.
Very honestly, learning AND PRACTICING acceptance is the only thing that has kept me alive and sane through the years.
Overload is certainly a big factor for me.
But more than that.
That stroke marked the end of so many dreams — the dreams that I had of our doing certain things together.
In so many ways, his stroke marked the end of happiness.
A stroke is worse than death. And the caregiving is relentless.
From what I’ve seen, calling a stroke a life-changing event is a huge understatement.
I wouldn’t say that I’ve lost faith completely. I feel in my heart that God must have some purpose in all this. Obviously, I can’t figure it out — except, perhaps, to realize just how much I love Mr. AOW. I’m not sure that I knew how much I loved him before the terrible day that I found him down and delirious.
In the past, when bad stuff happened, I went to the Book of Job and gained perspective. Well, now I don’t find consolation there. Granted that I really don’t have the time or the energy to do much reading during the time that I was always used to doing my reading of any kind: the hour or so before going to bed.
Ah, well, my personal situation now is what it is. No going back now. But I really do fear the future — the personal future for Mr. AOW and for me.
Fearing the future is a reasonable thing to do when the present is uncertain. Your own state of health that you’ve told about is probably a factor in your continued employment. Hopefully you have a pension coming from your profession, but maybe you don”t. No doubt having sufficient income to last out your lives is a huge concern, beyond the burden of care for yourself and the Mr. as aging goes on and medical costs increase.
I shouldn’t bring this up but I’m sure you’re aware of it, that there’s a lot of talk now about cutbacks in Social Security. That can’t be helping anyone’s state of mind who depends on it, as I do to a degree, too.
I would suggest that, and you’re going to love this coming from someone who would just as soon see all religions disappear forever, but I’d suggest that you get more involved in your church and discuss your problems with the minister and congregation. I’m willing to bet that your church has all sorts of programs they’re connected to, for helping those in need.
You’re one of those in need. You need supportive people around you, whether you need financial help at this time or not, and you’ll be needing that later on anyway.
In all honesty, there are times when I wish I could put up with Christian dogma and all the self-righteous types, because it would be great to have the fellowship and the emotional backup that you can get at a church. But I can’t fake it and I wouldn’t anyway. Honesty and self-esteem are partners.
My impression is that you don’t want to appear less than strong, but your complaints in your blog posts sound like a cry for help to me. You do get sympathetic responses from commenters but that’s all you get and that doesn’t take any of the work load of care off you or help pay the electric bill.
How many doctors, nurses, therapists and holistic medicine practicioners go to your church that volunteer part of their time to helping church members? How many own businesses and donate supplies?
You have a network of help that can see you through that I don’t have. I envy you for that.
The church has done a lot for me. Unfortunately, Mr. AOW and I are over three years into this mess. People in any network are great during a crisis but not so much in the long term.
No pension is coming to me from my job. I’m self-employed and have been for a long time. I thought that I had planned well. Apparently not!
I do have some retirement savings and a couple of IRA’s, of course. Both the savings and the investment return from the IRA’s have taken hits since 2008 or so.
Because I don’t work for the public education system, my pay is a pittance. Hell, I don’t get paid even half of what a first-year teacher in the public system gets.
I used to pride myself on living by my conservative principles. Now — not so much. The rising costs of living and of health care/health insurance are two other major factors.
I own this home outright. But because of dropping real-estate values and the Northern Virginia environmental/zoning-development Nazis, the nest egg that I so carefully nurtured isn’t worth nearly what it should be.
Having enough income to last out our lives is certainly a concern. But having someone to help us in other ways is even more of a concern. The prospect of ending up in a nursing home for my final years is anathema to me.
Like my father before me, I’ve always had difficulty in asking for help. Damn, but I hate to come off as “a poor mouth” or needy in any regard.
Yeah, me too. I was infused with the good old American work ethic as a boy, but being a self-starter came naturally to me anyway, fortunately.
“The prospect of ending up in a nursing home for my final years is anathema to me.”
I’ve seen the inside of those places. My maternal grandmother spent her last days in one and while it was a better facility it still stank of piss and other nasty smells in the hallways. Not for me either.
Since you own your home, you might consider a reverse mortgage when the time comes that you can’t work any more and your savings are getting low. By that time the housing market may even have come back up some. I know that’s a long-odds bet with Obama controlling the wrecking ball, but it could happen.
Even if it doesn’t, having a backup of $100,000 or whatever you could get, coming in as monthly payments for another 5 or 10 years would sure help. If you don’t have kids to help support you, then who cares what happens to the house once you’re gone? With a properly written reverse mortgage, if you last out the payments you still live there until you croak. I mean, hey, free housing.
Most states have programs for the poor. I’m qualified as poor. I don’t apply for the programs because I own what I have and like you, I’d just as soon not take charity if I can get by without it. There was a time when I was on food stamps for awhile though, and glad to have them. The point is, if our society can send $billions$ to Egypt and Pakistan, our society can certainly support the poor and aged. Doing so, for those of us who contributed to our society during our working lives, is a moral responsibility anyway. Take what’s out there to take and don’t feel guilty or lessened by it. You earned it and you deserve it, a hell of a lot more than anyone in Pakistan.
You need to stop stressing. You really do. You’re fighting yourself over the reality you see approaching and you know, you have more than enough on your plate now without add that to the pile.
If you want to stay out of nursing homes, then you should start seriously checking out what options are available to you from the state and the Federal government, and you might be well advised to start applying for some of the programs now, BEFORE another disaster strikes. At least, know what your options are and what help is out there, NOW.
There are free counseling services for people in your position, free financial advise, free psychological support.
It’s funny. Some of us feel embarassed to enroll in social services, while others pat themselves on the back for being so smart. All the lazy, worthless bastards that have taken advantage of the system have given it a bad name, and no person with decent self-esteem likes to be lumped in with that crowd. It’s not that I don’t know where you’re coming from, but on the other hand, I know I’m not one of them, so I could take the money and food and feel fine about it. So can you.
No kids.
So, a reverse mortgage may be the way to go — if and when the time comes.
Thanks for chatting with me about these glum matters.
You’re always welcome. I hope some of it helps. You beat me to it with your response as I’t added more to that last comment of mine, if you care to read on….
Black Sheep,
I have found time to continue reading this thread. I do have a very good financial attorney that I should consult, I guess. He knows all the ins and outs of estate and retirement planning. With the aging population bearing down on our society, he must know all the options of which I can avail myself.
And this conversation that you and I been having does help. I have been feeling less guilty about thinking about “getting on the dole” if I must do so. I slept just fine the past couple of nights.
I guess that I will just have to steel myself to accept certain services when I need them.
With regard to counseling services, I’ve never found them very helpful. The reality doesn’t change.
I am feeling better today. Yesterday’s Christmas celebration at our neighbors’ house was damn near perfect! As I said today in one thread at my blog:
Mr. AOW and I had as good a Christmas Day as we’ve had since he had a stroke in 2009. I credit the recent therapy that Mr. AOW got from August through November of this year. He can actually take several steps now, and what a wonderful difference being able to take those steps makes! Although he does mostly use his scooter for ambulation, he is now able to walk to a dining-table and sit in a chair for the meal: “like a real person,” as he says. His endurance level is better now, too, so we staying late at our neighbors’ house and enjoyed the post-dinner dessert party.
One of the high points of the evening was playing the piano duet “Parade of the Wooden Soldiers” with my former piano student Susan; she is now 40 years old and had three children of her own. But when we sat down to that piano bench and played the piece quite adequately after not practicing together for nearly 20 years, those moments made a happy memory for this year. The little audience gathered was impressed.
——————
Funny how just a few hours of relaxation made such a difference. I need to get out more often. I need to force myself to do so.
Although I do enjoy blogging, it’s not often an activity that is relaxing.
I must make time to do some recreational reading. Just a little while ago, I downloaded a free Kindle book, and I think that I’ll shut down the computer and go read The Hoosier Schoolmaster.
That’s the idea. Stop focusing on the worrisome stuff. That’s exactly why I take anti-depressants now, to take my mind off things I can do nothing about anyway.
My mom was chronically depressed and I think I inherited the tendency from her. It is inheritable. Everyone has some bad memories, some regrets, made some mistakes, there’s wish-I-had’s and should-have-done’s for all of us, and whenever I get started on mine, it’s time to take a pill and 2 hours later I’m all leveled out again. Unhappiness is pointless.
It’s funny, too. Once I’d started on anti-depressants, I discussed the fact with my friends and whaddya know, 2 out of every 3 take them too. If that doesn’t prove life is a bitch, nothing does.
I’m glad you had such a good Christmas. It’s about time too, I bet, and my congratulations to Mr. AOW for starting to walk again. That must be a real uplift for both of you.
My own Christmas was a good one. My buddy Dave drove up, we got to bring each other up to date, brag about our accomplishments and all that stuff, and it was really nice to have someone here who shares my interests instead of relatives who are totally interested only in themselves. We can’t choose our families so it’s a damn good thing we can choose our friends.
The “Hoosier Schoolmaster”, huh? That sounds like a mailman taking a walk on his day off. LOL.