THE REPLICANTS

Help! Help! Triffids, Pod Creatures, Things that replicate like huge amoebas are living next door to me.

Tonight I heard the woman who moved in with the drunken maniacal asshole next door to me go berserk on him, screaming and shrieking, blasting out howling gutteral sounds without meaning, just noise that came from deep within a belly full of alcohol and I’m sure was heard a block away. Those, of course, were interspersed with frequent very loud FUCK YOUs and other curses, insults and complaints.

She sounded exactly the way he sounds when he’s drunk and cutting loose. And I have to admit I found it all to be great fun to listen to. Now he’s getting a good dose of what it’s like to be him.

My neighbors, the replicants. I wonder how long now it will be, before that shiny little white car of hers is gone forever from his driveway. I heard her complain that she “came all this way for him, and now what?”, which means she probably was talked into coming here to live with him from Hawaii, where he’s from. An old girlfriend, no doubt. I really would prefer that she hangs out and gives him holy hell for at least a few more months. He deserves a bad time and besides, once she’s gone he’ll start looking for another victim and I still live right next door…..

4 Responses to “THE REPLICANTS”

  1. Ernesto Ribeiro says:

    Gosh…

    Well, what can we do to help you, Uncle Sheep?

    I hope they never pose a threat to you.

    …and this ugly scene come to na end as soon as possible.

    But… was that all FUNNY?

    I hope it so.

  2. Black Sheep says:

    Pose a threat? The crazy bastard got drunk and screamed death threats at me, and came up onto my property and I had to run into the house and get my shotgun. The police had to come out 3 times that day, and into the night, and finally took him away in handcuffs. He’s twice my size and half my age and likes to victimize people. But no, I no longer consider him a threat, because I’ve decided that if he ever comes onto my property again he won’t leave it standing up. I’ve reached my limit, everyone has one.

    He may have figured it out because he hasn’t bothered me again, since the last time the police came out here and had a little talk with him.

    And yes, it was pretty funny to listen to. A drunk woman screaming at him instead of him, drunk, screaming at a woman. Cracked me up.

  3. x says:

    Attempted to post to this other day but couldn’t due to internet problems.

    Anyway, my ghastly neighbour is ok to his missus and generally doesn’t sound half a bad as yours which is just as well as he has a gun and I don’t. He actually staggered around pissed as a newt (do they have that expression in the US?) and had a drink with me last week.

  4. Black Sheep says:

    My response to this was to take a look at gun ownership requirements in the UK, which led me to discovering WHY the murder rates of our two countries are so different, and that led me to my most recent post, which I’m about to write….

    Meanwhile, it seems that if you attack your neighbor and he shoots you, and you live, you can sue his ass off for injuring you, if that’s any consolation.

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