Archive for the ‘Ridiculous’ Category

FLUKE SKYWATER

Tuesday, January 19th, 2016

Fluke: Unplanned, accidental. Skywater: Rain.
It’s raining like a dual-vagina’d cow urinating on Michelle Obama’s face, and I didn’t plan for it. Fluke skywater, get it? Huh? Snark Wars? The Farce awakens? Well, at least I did, awaken that is, I was taking a nap and awoke to the roar of a veritable farking downpour. It’s still downpouring. Help! The house is floating, help, help.

POLITICAL TACK-ON
Sarah Palin has just endorsed Donald Trump over Ed Cruz. This matters, every single person she’s endorsed, 33 candidates for office so far, have won. On top of that, the Governor of Iowa has also endorsed Trump, pretty much ensuring he’ll take the Iowa caucus. Our boy is on his way to the White House now.

HO HO HO. HO HO HO. HO HO HO. HO HO ……..

Wednesday, December 23rd, 2015

Ho ho ho.
Ho ho ho.

Christmas, December 25th, the purported birthday of a Jewish man named Jesus, some 2015 years ago. While the story of Jesus is filled with lies and exaggerations, and even the date is off by about 7 months, yet the man is remembered and the day devoted to his memory is celebrated over most of the planet. The reason is that his story is all about generosity and giving, a god-man who devoted his godhood to creating food from thin air, curing the poorest of their diseases and never asking anything for himself.

In a world where selfish interest is paramount, surely it is only gods who can be so generous, and to this day, those who want to be venerated by their fellow man commit acts of great generosity to do so, to be elevated, revered and remembered.

So at a time when Winter has just begun and the nights are the longest, coldest and darkest, we take one day to light a candle to those gods of our past, who brought us fire, light and warmth at our time of most need, and we show that we have within us some of the same generosity as the gods that we created.

MIXED MESSAGE

Sunday, December 13th, 2015

This would be laughable but for the inherent tragedy. Every time our nation prepares for war, lots of war movies start being shown on television, and lately that’s what’s going on. Back before the Korean war, there were all these war movies on TV about World Wars 1 and 2, and the same thing happened before we got into Vietnam, and again prior to the Gulf wars. When the war movies start, you know another damned war is coming.

Well, here we go again, the war movies and the patriotic shows and so forth are proliferating once again on television, and I know what’s coming just from that. Why I say the message is mixed is because it’s the Christmas season, and even as all the PC fuckwads are trying to destroy Christmas, we’re being buried in Christmas movies just the same.

Christmas movies and war movies. What a combination.

JOYOUS ARBOR DAY

Wednesday, December 2nd, 2015

Arbor day is the day we plant trees and show that we care about Nature. The idea is to keep our cities greened up looking good.

Today our Wise Leader, The Great Obama, and his boyfriend “Michelle”, told us the NEW meaning of Christmas, when the First Boyfriend said “For half a century, people of all ages have gathered around the tv to watch Charlie Brown, Lucy, Linus and the rest of the gang teach us the true meaning of Christmas,” Mrs. Michael Obama said during a taping of ABC’s “It’s Your 50th Christmas, Charlie Brown”. Then our Great Leader added “They teach us that tiny trees just need a little love”.

Yes, folks, Christmas is no longer a Christian holiday celebrating the birth of Mithra, a Pagan god born on Dec. 25… Oh crap, I mean Jesus. Anyway, move over, Arbor Day, Christmas now celebrates the loving of tiny trees. Our Great, Wise and Noble Leader says so.

As Charlie Brown would say, “Good grief, what’s next?”

IT’S THE COPS. QUICK, CALL THE COPS.

Thursday, November 19th, 2015

So far, ever since the Paris attacks, Obama’s various spokesmen have been making it a real point to get in front of some media camera and tell the American public that there are no credible threats from ISIS here in the USA.

The only people with guns (besides the American public, of course) that he does seem afraid of is the police of our nation. He’s made them look like the worst, most racist enemies a poor black looter or rioter ever had, but ISIS? Heeay, no problemo, dude.

STUPID GAMES

Saturday, November 14th, 2015

Whack-A-Mole is a mechanical game where moles pop up from holes in the game board and the player has to whack them with a little plastic hammer and knock them back down again. As fast as one goes down, another pops up, and the player’s turn is lost if he isn’t quick enough.

Bernie Sanders, the Socialist Jewish contender for the Democrat party’s presidential candidate nomination has just announced that terrorism is not our biggest problem. Climate change is the “leading threat”. Whack a mole. Since Global Warming has been proven to be political bullshit, they changed the name to “Climate Change”, but a rose by any other name…

Some of our colleges have set aside rooms as “safe spaces” where students can go when they don’t want to hear about things they disagree with. Whack a mole.

Our Supreme Court is set to hear a challenge to Texas laws restricting abortions, and the religionist anti-abortionists are freaking out, since abortion is legal whether they like it or not, and they don’t like it. Very real possibility that the Supreme Court will shoot down the Texas anti-abortion law and all the other states similar laws along with it. This crap has been going back and forth now for over 50 years, ever since abortion was legalized. Whack a mole.

Donald Trump made a very valid point when he said that the people of Paris “should have been armed.” Like most European nations, the French are without weapons. Their governments made sure that the people stay helpless to overthrow their governments by force when it becomes necessary, which it sometimes does. I guess all those “royals” learned their lesson from the Magna Carta fiasco that took power away from the English king and gave it to the long-suffering people at last, and have been disarming the populace at every chance, ever since. Whack a mole.

The number of armed criminal assailants being shot dead by their intended victims is on the rise in America, while the number of innocent people being killed by armed criminals is going down. That’s because as more Americans arm themselves, more bad guys are dying instead of good guys. Very simple. So of course our president wants to disarm us and bring in hundreds of thousands of Syrian “refugees”, after Paris was attacked by some of those same refugees. Whack a mole. WAIT, I have a better idea. Whack the president.

THE SWELLING OF THE BREAST, A SAGA

Saturday, October 24th, 2015

South Park, the well-known satirical cartoon TV show, did a thing about sex change operations wherein Mr. Garrison, the homosexual third grade teacher, had a sex change operation, got a brand new vagina, and ended up breaking up with Mr. Slave because Garrison didn’t have a penis anymore. Garrison claimed to no longer be homosexual since he was a woman now, and Mr. Slave pointed out that he was still a homosexual, penis or not.

Now we go to the state of California announcing that it is going to pay for sex change operations for it’s prisoners. Yes, you read that correctly.

So let’s follow this train of thought for a bit. Once the operation is done on a male prisoner, he can no longer be returned to his cell to live with the other male inmates. He would have to be transferred to a woman’s prison and live with a female inmate population comprised of a large percentage of lesbians. That should prove to be very strange, sexually.

Homosexuals are popular in prisons, they provide a lot of sexual relief for the other inmates, and especially in men’s prisons, or so I assume. I might not be giving the female prisoners enough credit, but anyway…. these sex changes aren’t done all at once, they take time, with hormone therapy and so forth, and the last step is the actual surgery. Logically, the prisoners enjoying sex with these men won’t want them to leave, so they’d naturally try to prevent them from having the surgery through beatings and threats and any other means they can find.

Back to the women’s prison that the bruised and beaten but successfully emasculated homosexual now finds himself, the first thing he’s going to miss is being sodomized. That’s a primary pleasure for this type, and Oops, dang, forgot that won’t be happening anymore, huh?

So looking way down the road here, I’m expecting this to evolve into inmate lawsuits against the state of California to repeal the bill that allows the surgery and pays for it, by both the straight inmates and the homosexual ones. For most of the homosexuals, they’ll find that having a vagina isn’t what they really wanted after all. What they really wanted was what they already had, sex that they enjoyed, and since the California legislature is so politically correct and all, they’ll sympathize with the straight inmates complaints that they’re being deprived of their sexual partners and are being forced to rape the youngest and weakest newcomers. A story like that is bound to bring a tear to the eye of any member of the California state congress and I’ve no doubt they’ll make haste to correct this oversight. And after all, now that homosexuals can marry, prisoners should be allowed to do so too, and live together in their cells and have sex and so forth. Naturally, they should be allowed more privacy, so curtains will be installed in the fronts of cells, which will have to be electronically controlled by guards with little boxes full of microchips, to do night inspections on their rounds. Of course, there will be times when the married couples are accidentally caught having sex, and complaints of harassment and privacy violations will be filed, there will be all sorts of lawsuits, laws passed regarding curtains and little boxes and prisoner’s rights of privacy and finance committees created to find funding for electronic curtains and little boxes and lawyers to fight lawsuits, and everyone is just going to have a wonderful time spending taxpayer money trying to unsnarl a complicated mess that will only keep getting messier.

Of course, they could just Say No to homosexual marriage and paying for prisoner sex change operations, but that just wouldn’t be Politically Correct.

STUPID PRODUCT NAMES

Friday, October 23rd, 2015

I hate stupid product names. The latest on my hate list is “Blue Emu”. I think it’s some kind of salve, for what purpose I don’t know because when the ad comes on, I find something useful to do. In the background I can always hear someone with an overblown and probably fake Australian accent yapping away about the product. I think a product named Orange Platypus is about due, touted by some Hindu type with a heavy New Delhi accent. It doesn’t matter what the product is, it could be edible Day-Glo condoms for all I care since I’d be finding something useful to do while the Hindu was yapping away in the background.

BLACK CHILDREN NO LONGER ALLOWED TO EAT WATERMELON

Friday, October 23rd, 2015

The Humble, Texas Independent School District has declared “Enough” of racist fruit in fruit baskets and is issuing punishments to those students who had the gall, the temerity, the RACISM to include a coconut and a small watermelon in the fruit basket they gave to a competing school’s football team.

Egads. How could they be so INSENSITIVE?

There’s a tradition among the high schools there of giving each other fruit baskets, which can contain pretty much anything normally edible, including fruit, snacks, crackers and so forth. So the “youngsters from Atascocita gave their counterparts a Halloween basket that included canned pineapple, a whole coconut, a small watermelon and some candy.” OH MY GOD HOW COULD THEY?

By now you’re probably wondering what it was that set off a couple PC types to start screaming “RACISM”, right? Like the guy who wrote the article I’m quoting from, I thought maybe it was the coconut, somehow. But NO, it was the watermelon. Some of the students are black and mixed race, so the watermelon was considered to be a racist attack on the black members of the high school football team, and the poor kids who put this basket of stuff together are being punished for it. What an incredible load of horseshit this Political Correctness has become, huh? Does this mean that black kids at this school can’t eat watermelon now, only white kids, but the white kids won’t be allowed to bring any in their lunch bags or else be punished for being racist? Christ!

How many of these kids do you think are going to be willing to ever help put together a gift basket from either school ever again? I bet either NONE, or else only the LGBT little pervs will take on the job now, and can’t you just hear the effeminate, twisted little fuckers fighting and bitching over what can go in, with some wanting to add flavored condoms, others wanting edible underwear, oh yeah, nice work, you dumb ass school administrators, you sure made everything better for the kids this time, great job.

STAND-UP COMEDIAN FODDER

Monday, October 12th, 2015

This is a good one. There’s a new test out that claims to be able to accurately tell if someone is homosexual or not. It’s a saliva test.

A saliva test, got that? Gee, what might be in that spit? I mean, where have those mouths BEEN, huh? Where do you think? :D.

MAKING PC LANGUAGE OFFICIAL

Sunday, October 4th, 2015

I just realized, during a reading of California SB 1172, the bill enacted into law that punishes mental health care workers for trying to dissuade young people from engaging in homosexual activity, that the word “gay” is now legally accepted by the state of California to mean male homosexuals only. Hat tip to Ernesto for bringing this bill back to my attention. It was enacted several years ago.

Paragraph 2 of the bill starts off “(a) Being lesbian, gay, or bisexual…”. Lesbian OR gay. So female homosexuals are still called Lesbians by the CA state politicians but queer men are the only ones that are “gay” instead of homosexual.

Well, excuse me here but doesn’t the term “Lesbian” still carry the same negative connotation that it always has, that the person so named is HOMOSEXUAL? The whole reason for calling men “gay” was to soften the negative impact of being called homosexual. This is Political Correctness? Where queer women are still called homosexuals but queer men are now called a word that means festive? If I were a fearless and festive fag female I’d rise up in righteous raging wrath and ream those ridiculous retards for their rotten record of reconciliation. This isn’t fair play at all. Lady queers should get a new name too. Something easy to say like gay is, a one-syllable lie. How about “Mom”? Now that we’ve destroyed the meaning of gay, let’s destroy the institution of Motherhood, which has been hanging precariously by a few threads anyway these days. Let’s call queer women “Moms”, such a nice, comforting word, I mean, who doesn’t love their mom? “Moms” it is.

Now that that injustice is dealt with, we need to start finding a new, nice, happy sounding name for other sexual perversions. Pedophiles need a new name, one that makes them attractive to children. How about “Heroes”? All kids like heroes, hell, everyone does. Trans-sexuals need a name that makes them sound like really well-balanced, sane and sexually attractive people. Maybe “Adonis”? Adonis was a Greek known for his beauty and of course, his sexual attractiveness.

Yessir, our language needs to be fair to everyone, and with only a little more effort we can make every sexual perversion not only legal and protected, but so attractive that everyone will want to become perverted. Only then will we have a truly fair and balanced society. Right?

GETTING READY FOR JESUS

Saturday, October 3rd, 2015

Tomorrow is another Jesus day, when lots of Christians get all Jesused up in their best Jesusing clothes and go to a building that either has real stained glass windows or windows painted to look like stained glass, to sing Jesus songs and be told all manner of strange and wonderful Jesus things.

The Germans have considered themselves to be Christian for an awfully long time, either Catholic or Protestant, but oh yeah, Christians one and all and very strictly so. As Christians, they worship a man who was unabashedly Jewish, and call him God. These are the same people who looked the other way when their Dear Leader was murdering Jews by the millions, right in their own backyards, literally. The Death Camps were surrounded by towns. All the Germans knew that Adolf and friends were committing genocide on the Jews, even as they kept going to beautiful churches with beautiful stained glass windows, real ones, and got all Jesused up singing Jesus songs.

Every Christian I ever knew belonged to the SSS club. They were all Sanctimonious, Self-righteous Sons of bitches. Most of them are crooked as hell, they lie, cheat and steal, and are accepted in their Christian communities because they all accept this behavior from each other. Why? Because they ask Jesus for forgiveness, which is automatically granted simply by the act of asking, their wrongs are washed away IN THE BLOOD OF JEEEESUSSS, PRAISE THE LORD, and then they’re all morally clean and right, and free to go out and fuck people over again.

In fairness, Muslims are even worse, because they don’t even go through the charade of asking for forgiveness. All the horrible shit they do is God’s Will, and not their fault to begin with, and besides, Islam permits them to do pretty much anything to anyone anyway, as long as they never ever insult Islam or deny that Mohammad was The Prophet. If they do that they get snuffed in an ugly way. But otherwise, behaving horribly is groovy.

Anyway, back to Christianity, Jesus really had the right message, it’s just that to follow it, you have to be a docile person, which most of us aren’t. Most of us would much rather take revenge on others than turn the other cheek and let them nail us again. Allowing oneself to be a victim just doesn’t appeal to most folks, including me, even though I agree with Jesus that if none of us fought with each other, the world would be a much happier place. Then there’s all those Commandments, don’t lie, steal, diddle your neighbor’s spouse, kill people, that stuff that Christians keep doing and being forgiven for by Jesus.

Fortunately for society, we have prisons, and judges who don’t care what religion an offender is when sending someone off to durance vile. If our laws were dictated by religious strictures as they are in Islamic countries, we’d be back in the Stone Age just like them, cutting off hands, feet and heads or burying people up to their shoulders and throwing rocks at their heads. A government may be founded by believers in some religion or other, but not run by a religion. We need only to look at the Near East to see the truth in that.

ANOTHER HATE-FILLED RANT BY BLACK SHEEP

Sunday, September 27th, 2015

At this moment as I type away, the Homosexual King of the Sanctimonious Pederasts, the elected ruler of all those molesters of little boys, who calls the Vatican home, is riding in a white (of course) Jeep fitted with a big bubble-shaped windshield so he can stand up as he waggles his hands in benediction upon the crowds of people in the streets of Philadelphia.

Quite a crowd it is, estimated to be about a million people all out there to catch a glimpse of the Pope. So many gullible fools all in one place, what a scene.

Now, this is a side remark, not associated with the point I intend to make, but something that shouldn’t be overlooked, and that is that there was a time in this country when our Presidents would tour the land, by car or train, and entire towns would line the streets just to get a glimpse of him. That was long ago. Today, who do they crowd the streets to gape at but the Pope. Times have changed. Popes always just used to visit third-world countries. Does this mean they still do? I think he’s giving us a message.

To my point: Philadelphia is known as the City of Brotherly Love, and is pretty much the Eastern equivalent of San Francisco. It has a very high population of homosexuals, so what could be more fitting than to have this Pederast King of the Homosexual Child Molesters waving his hands at them in benediction? He’s in the right place, no doubt, but I’ll be a lot happier when he goes back to his treasure-glutted Vatican Mafia. Having Obama in our country is bad enough without this.

THE INTENSITY OF STUPIDITY OVERWHELMS THE SENSES

Wednesday, September 16th, 2015

Coffee is a psychoactive substance, as are many varieties of tea, such as comfrey tea, very popular in Britain. Anything with caffeine in it is psychoactive. I’ve heard that 8 cups of coffee can cause hallucinations. All tranquilizer drugs are psychoactive, as are anti-depressants. And so on and so on. Tobacco is psychoactive, so is chocolate. Alcoholic beverages, oh my god! Consuming stuff that alters our moods is a favorite human activity.

British Home Secretary Teresa May is pushing a new law to outlaw all psychoactive substances, with imprisonment for up to seven years for a violation. Yes, she is blonde.

A hat tip to Xoggoth for this silly bit of news.

HAS HE DROPPED HIS WEAPON YET?

Monday, September 14th, 2015

“A man suspected of killing a Kentucky trooper was shot and killed by state police early Monday morning, police confirmed to FoxNews.com.

Authorities said 25-year-old Joseph Thomas Johnson-Shanks, of Missouri, was located in a remote rural area near I-24 around 7 a.m., following an all-night manhunt. Johnson-Shanks was armed with a handgun and did not comply with several commands to drop his weapon, according to Sgt. Mike Webb.”

I bet this is exactly how it went down. “Bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang”. “Drop your weapon”. “Bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang”. “Drop your weapon”. “Bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang”.

It sure is strange how cop killers always get shot dead after refusing to drop their weapons. Don’t you think? Heh heh heh heh heh.

Oh by the way, Fox News failed to mention that this was yet one more racist shooting of a white police officer by a black man. Funny how that little fact keeps getting overlooked somehow.

I CAN ALMOST BUY THIS

Sunday, September 13th, 2015

A lot of Mormons, aka The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, or Mormons for short and NO, I don’t know why, go look it up… Anyway, a lot of them are preparing for the Fabled END DAYS. Yes, folks, once again, the End Days are upon us, oh woe is us. We’re in it now. Here’s the scenario:

“The scenario is divided into seven-year periods and begins with the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001. The stock market crashed seven years later – in 2008 – and began a seven-year period of economic uncertainty. It has now been seven years since then, and the preppers believe things are aligning this month for the seven years of tribulation as outlined in the biblical book of Revelation. The Jewish high holy days begin on Sunday, and Sept. 28 will have a red full moon, known as a “blood moon.” Revelation also mentions the moon turning to blood.”

What the Jewish high holy days have to do with The Last Days isn’t explained, but you have to admit it sounds mysterious, and anything mysterious must somehow be true, right?

BUT, the timing is actually not at all bad. I mean, the world is going to crap in a kitty litter box, to mangle an old expression, and it wouldn’t surprise me if the Mormons turned out to be lucky, if you can call it that, and are really right about this End Times thing. Even so, we have years yet before The Final End, plenty of time to sell some Glad Stone Incense and a Strobe Candle or two. 😉

JEB BUSH, HOWARD DEAN’S UNDERSTUDY

Saturday, August 29th, 2015

“This is a long-haul deal. There’ll be people moving up, and likely those people might go down. I’m the tortoise in the race. But I’m a joyful tortoise,” Bush told one crowd.

That’s great, Jebby old boy. A statement like that reminds me of Howard Dean’s shriek. Remember that one, the insane noise that came out of his mouth and doomed his bid for the Presidency? Remember? Just a few days ago you said that the invasion of illegal aliens was “an act of love”, and now you’re a “Joyful tortoise”? Oh, good one, Jebby, now say goodbye.

Too much of that Columbian cocaine, so much of it in Florida, so easy to get when you’re rich. Obama isn’t the only politician with a nose habit.

THE GLORY OF WAR

Monday, August 24th, 2015

What is Glory? Glory is magnificence, rising above in splendor, great achievement that brings admiration.
Splendor, great achievement. The Taj Mahal has splendor and was a great achievement, and can very fairly be called glorious. The rise of the United States of America is a great achievement, and especially for the world at that time, glorious. The winning of the war against Germany and Japan was truly glorious. But the war itself?

Millions of people died in agony, their bodies burned, poisoned, punched full of holes, blown apart. They starved to death in concentration camps and fell by the thousands on death marches. Not just combatants but everyone who was too close. Old people, babies, along with millions of pets, dogs and cats and horses. The ocean and land were polluted and vast areas of Nature wiped out. This is not glorious. There is no glory of war, only of winning a war, and then, only for the winners, who are too busy, too exhausted, impoverished and bloody to feel any sense of glory but only gratitude that the war is finally over and they can stop fighting and dying.

The “Glory of War” is much the same as nationalism and patriotism, it’s all designed to keep rulers in power. If there were no nations, there would be no wars between nations. There would be no armies and no navies, and no taxes to support them. Just food for thought, as we still have wars and probably will for a long time yet before we grow up as a species.

Propaganda is what it is, and “glory” is just a word.

ROBOT AUTONOMY

Saturday, August 22nd, 2015

Latest robot news is a picture of a walking humanoid, sort of, robot strolling through a park. With a flex-hose coming out it’s back that disappears into the foreground of the picture, maybe 20 feet away from the metal and plastic critter. Wow, how very impressive, he said in small font. Hey, I have a cockroach robot I bought from China for a dollar, with solar cells on it, you put it out in the sun and it wanders around pretty much like the great big 400 pound animated pile of industrial materials with the tether on it, only it doesn’t need a tether. Oops, back to the drawing board.

A few years back I saw a big Woopidoo Taa Daa about a Jap robot that could climb stairs, that also had a similar huge cable growing out of it’s back. Hey fellas, a Slinky toy can climb down stairs all by itself, no power cable needed, but does anyone recall those little windup toys that ran around your table top and never fell off? Made back in the 1960’s? No power cord?

Instead of these whonkous-sized monstrosities trailing a power feed that could serve all of Lower Manhattan, if we MUST have droids that look like people, sort of, can they maybe be made smaller and lighter so they don’t need an umbilical cord three times the size required for a space walk? Or any at all? My cell phone can talk to me, make music, take videos and vibrate, and if it had mobile extensions it could turn book pages for me. All on battery power. The Roomba runs around sweeping up orts all day long and recharges itself, totally autonomously. Hello out there?

OH FRABJOUS DAY

Saturday, August 22nd, 2015

May have spoken a little too soon about feeling depressed yesterday. This morning I woke up very reluctantly and quickly went back to bed and slept for over four more hours. I’ve caught some sort of virus, with sneezing and runny nose and all, and that must be the cause of my blues yesterday. Today I don’t feel depressed, just unwell. Which is why I deleted what was written here before. So I wish me well and hope I get well soon and if I felt more ambulatory I’d send myself a few Get-Well cards just to let me know I care. 🙂