The UK has passed a new law. All poultry and captive bird keepers will be required to register their birds from Oct 1, the Government has said. Under previous rules, only flocks of 50 or more birds would have to be registered with the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs. Now you have to register your backyard chickens even if you only have one or two.
This is because the UK has now decided that chickens are dangerous and need a close eye kept on them, because they might develop Bird Flu and spread the infection throughout the known Universe, or at least, Great Britain.
Considering the very short lives of most chickens, between going into the soup pot, being barbecued or eaten by a fox or other predator, this is going to keep the Office of The Registrar Of Chickens pretty busy.
Now, I have some Questions: First, do you count your chickens before they hatch or afterward? Will chickens be required to wear electronic ankle bracelets to keep track of their whereabouts? Since so many chickens look alike, how do you prevent Chicken Identity Theft? Won’t this enable an illegal trade in Unregistered Chickens? A Unregistered Chicken Black Market? A lot of people won’t want to register their chickens, for fear the government will confiscate all chickens regardless of caliber. Long chickens, hand-held chickens, semi-automatic chickens, once registered the government knows where they are, until they get eaten, of course. So how do you UN-register chickens that have passed away?
And when there’s a food shortage, and there will be because of all the farms being shut down and all the hungry migrants coming in, the government will know where all those backyard chickens are, and will confiscate them for the National Good.
The fucking Brits are geniuses at messing up their own lives and we aren’t far behind them with our own asinine rules and regulations.